This was a topic that I have been considering blogging about for quite some time now, but was too embarrassed as to what others would think about me. After all I spend a large portion of my day helping and advising others, so why on Earth could I not figure out how to help myself? The term therapy is not always welcomed with enthusiasm and open arms for many people. Many times it is equated to those whose lives are out of control. In fact I must confess when someone told me he/she was in therapy it caused me to ponder what was so horrible in that person's life to have them seek advice from someone else. Why couldn't his/her family help them out? Well, that all changed when I found myself in this quandary after experiencing the loss of my mother-in-law and a family issue that could not be resolved by normal conversation and intervention. Regardless of how much effort I was making, I could not change the situation. I had reached the point in my life that I needed help. Just like I need a doctor to manage my high blood pressure, I needed someone to help me manage the fears, anxieties and concerns of a situation that was truly out of my control. When I made the appointment for my first visit I was quite nervous as to what even the therapist would think of me. I felt like I did the first time I walked into the gym when I was overweight and could barely walk on the treadmill for more than a few minutes at a time. What would people think of me? Would they think I was a messed up middle-aged lady struggling to cope with life? Would they think I was on the verge of a breakdown? Those fears all went out the window when I walked into my first session. I was reassured that I wasn't 'crazy' to seek help and guidance. I just didn't have the tools to cope with the issues that were out of my control. I had to come to realize that therapy is not about changing someone else--it's about changing me. It's about helping me to view the world through a different angle. It's about using the tools to help me cope with things that I cannot and will never be able to control. I would like to say that I have made leaps and bounds in how I approach the adversities in my life, but it's like a two steps forward, one step backward scenario. However, I am appreciating the fact that as long as I am moving forward I am moving closer to the true authentic being I am meant to be. I may not get it right every time, but I am changing. Below are my lessons therapy has taught me and I hope they will help you, too. 1. Sharing my anxieties with friends and family is not a sign of weakness Therapy has taught me to share my woes with my friends and family. This was something that this type A, perfectionist had to let go of. By constantly putting on the front to the rest of the world that everything was 'perfect' only intensified my anxieties. My family and friends don't have to 'fix' my problem, in fact just listening, holding my hand and offering me a soft shoulder to cry on can make all the difference in the world. It allows me to be fallible. 2. Validation is something that can make us feel normal My therapist told me that when we validate another person's feelings we are showing that person compassion. When I was having issues, my therapist would say, "I get it, life stinks." She didn't try to sugarcoat the situation. She didn't try to change the situation. She just validated my feelings and allowed me to sit with those words. Because yes, when things happen that are out of our control, sometimes life does stink, but we can elect to wallow in our sorrows or say 'it stinks' and then develop our own plan how to cope with life. 3. It's OK to cry I have always had a sensitive heart, something that I have struggled with for the better part of my life. Anything can make me cry--happy or sad. I cry when I hear stories of others overcoming the obstacles in their own life only to live their dream. I cry when I meet someone who has helped transform my life. Heck, I even cried when I was asked to come to work for SparkPeople 3 1/2 years ago. Crying is a part of who I am. Luckily, my therapist actually encourages me to cry. When I am having a stressful day, she told me to allow myself time to cry--to go into my room and have a all-out cry fest. Studies show that crying releases hormones that help with stress relief. The suppression of emotions can act like a pressure cooker ready to blow if we do not figure out a means to release the stress. This is where crying comes into play. 4. I discovered that even those with the so-called perfect life do not always have the perfect life This lesson ties in closely with the first lesson. As I began to share my woes with my friends, I was amazed to hear the stories they had gone through or were going through within their own family circle. It taught me to take away judgment, something that comes so easily in our society. After all the minute a celebrity or sports figure falters, it's so easy to point out his/her flaws, but knowing my own situation, I say, don't judge me unless you have walked in my shoes. 5. By helping others, we help ourselves By volunteering my time to help others allows me to step away from my own problems. This world has so many problems, but when I can become a part of the solution, then amazing things can happen. While my problems seem so big, in comparison to others, I can appreciate the blessing that have been brought into my life by my wonderful family and friends. This is one of my favorite blogs because it has allowed me to let down my guard, to be vulnerable--to be HUMAN. It's therapy in it's own way to allow others to know that I too, have my fair share of heartaches. By sharing my story with others I have found the strength to face any obstacle that comes my way. I am proud so say running was and continues to be a big part of my therapy. Had this happened seven years earlier, I am not too sure if I would have been able to cope without turning to food to fill the emotional void, but so far this has not happened. Food cannot replace the emotions I have to go through, but when we have others to walk with us and offer love and support, than any obstacle can become just a little blip on the radar of our lives. Do you live by any of these lessons? |
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