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Life may give you plenty of opportunities to gripe, but knowing the right way to complain and get a positive result in return can be tricky in most everyday situations. Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, says that you can strike a balance between passively keeping your complaints to yourself and screaming about cold coffee by being assertive when an issue arises. Ask yourself if the aggravating situation will matter in a week or a month, suggests life coach Valorie Burton, founder of the Coaching & Positive Psychology Institute and author of Where Will You Go from Here? If the answer is yes, then learn how to complain effectively by following this situation-based advice. Your neighbor’s dog does number two in your yard…again. If you're tired of finding surprises left by Fido, before approaching your neighbors for the first time, give them the benefit of the doubt in order to avoid a huge confrontation. Try saying, “You guys are probably unaware of this, but your dog has been doing his business all over our yard. Any ideas on how we can keep him out?” Guy Winch, PhD, author of The Squeaky Wheel, says they are more likely to comply if they don’t feel that they are to blame. However, if they insist that it can’t be their dog but you are certain because you saw him commit the deed, you should let them know. “If the idea of a confrontation is intimidating, you can tell them in writing," suggests Dr. Winch. Drop off a simple note stating: “I just wanted to clarify that I saw Rover ‘fertilize’ my yard several times. I’m letting you know because I assumed you were unaware of what he was doing and I would like to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” A close friend told someone a secret you shared in confidence. When it is a matter of trust, you really want to use the word “disappointed” instead of “angry” so the guilty party won’t counter with something you did in the past that angered her, advises Dr. Winch. “Disappointment is more powerful, gets to the heart of the issue and puts the burden on the other person." Try saying, “I was disappointed to hear that you mentioned Jeff’s diagnosis to the receptionist.” Realizing she betrayed your trust, she'll most likely apologize for the lapse in judgment. However, if she tries to shift the blame ("You didn't tell me it was a secret"), it's probably safe to assume that she can't be trusted in the future to keep a confidence. Your mother-in-law takes control of your party planning. Dealing with your husband's mother can be a very tricky situation, so start with the positive by showering her with compliments, and then return the focus to you. Burton says this strategy will make her feel good, while also giving the impression that you want to take over for your own pleasure—not because she is being overbearing. Try saying, “You throw amazing parties, and I know this probably is a snap for you, but I’ve got lots of ideas and have been looking forward to this for a long time.” She should step back and respect your enthusiasm, but if she replies with, “Can’t I help with anything?” tell her you just want her to relax and enjoy the party, and then invite her to a post-party coffee recap a few days later. More tips for how to complain effectively! Stories you might like:
How do you complain effectively? Do you use any of these tips? Provided photo |
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