Starting New Traditions for Happier Holidays

By , SparkPeople Blogger
By Beth Donovan (~INDYGIRL)

To my husband, Chuck, and my chosen sisters Lori and Tina This is a little something for the lonely, grieving, depressed, stressed, and dieting out there who might be having a hard time getting through the holiday season. It isn’t always a pretty season for everyone, and mental health wise, it’s a rough one for a lot of people. I am one of those people. My heart goes out to the rest of you out there.

I’m about to be very personal here because I want you to know that my advice I write is very heartfelt. When I was a young girl, my father died of a heart attack. I was an only child, so it became just my mother and me. We would get lonely, but we made our own traditions. Later in life, around the age of 30, I lost my mother. It was very hard for me. I leaned on my husband’s family and learned to share their traditions. Sadly, my husband’s mother, brother, and father all passed away within a year of each other recently, and we are still grieving those losses. We are trying to start new traditions for just the two of us. We aren’t quite sure what to do yet.

New traditions help sometimes with grief or setting forth on a new journey. They give you a new foundation to build upon. While the old traditions may still be cherished and celebrated, new ones help ring in the next chapter of hope. Where do you start though?

I started with the music. The old Christmas music we used to listen to brought back such poignant memories and I wanted to feel merry again. Instead of the traditional styles I grew up with, I bought contemporary rock versions, instrumentals, and even country. While I wasn’t merry, I wasn’t as depressed either. Year by year I got a little merrier and sang along with my new CDs and really enjoyed the new artists and music.

I packed up any decorations that made me sad in something to protect them and stored them away. Then I started collecting new decorations that were uniquely representative of me and life as I knew it at the moment. Each year I would buy one or two new pieces, so as not to focus too much on any one time frame. I also gave away treasured ornaments from my family to my closest friends, who had now become my family.

My family now is not what anyone would consider traditional. My closest friends are family, and I list my best friend as my next of kin beyond my husband. She is my sister for all the meaning of the word. We share a bond like family and have the luxury of being each others’ best friend and confidante as well. I honestly can’t imagine that sharing the same blood, although we do share the same rare blood type, could make us any closer. Sometimes in life, although we lose some, others are there. We must embrace those who are in our lives and never take them for granted. Family is however you define it.

I started cooking what I and my husband liked to eat, traditional or not. It got a little silly trying to make all of the Thanksgiving meal for two people, so we began eating at restaurants that had buffets. At Christmas, we’ve been known to have low-fat chili. Last year, I cooked a menu inspired by SparkRecipes and had fun being creative.

I stopped going to any place that stressed me out about dieting and my weight. Sometimes when we did have people invite us over to a large gathering, my weight would come up and everyone would have to give me the “It’s because we care about your health…” speech. Please. If people cared, they would care at a more discreet time and not bring it up in front of everyone at a holiday dinner. If I am friendly but firm, they will usually stop. If not, I usually make other plans the following year. If I’m asked why, I tell the host/hostess.

I’ve definitely been lonely and depressed during the holidays before. If you’ve ever been lonely and/or depressed at this time of year, you know it is a complete emptiness. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a counselor or call a crisis line. If that isn’t an option, consider talking to your religious leader for guidance. Spark People has a team called Dealing with Depression and other teams that deal with various mental health issues. While these teams are staffed by not mental health professionals, they do provide a place for you to talk things out on their online forums. My therapist once told me a very helpful thing, that doing for others would help my depression. Ever since then, when I become very depressed or lonely, I try to do something for someone else and I do feel better. There is a joy that comes from giving for both the person given to and the giver. Possibilities for relieving loneliness and giving include volunteering at a soup kitchen or other charity, visiting friends, going to nursing homes, or even organizing a dinner or party for other lonely people.

Sometimes we overbook ourselves and stress ourselves out too badly to even enjoy the holiday season. Make sure to keep those things that are really a priority and get rid of those things that aren’t. How do you tell the difference? Ask yourself “Would I be sorry next year if I didn’t do _____ this year?” If the answer is no, find a shortcut or cut it out of your schedule politely. Just explain that you are overbooked. Time with friends, family, or just for yourself is important.

If you are really struggling with eating this time of year, you aren’t alone. This time of year is a difficult one! There are goodies everywhere and most of them carry an emotional punch with them. They are sweet, decadent, and loaded with feel-good chemistry. It is really hard to stop eating something once you’ve started, but if you can, a taste or two might do. If you’re one of those that gets obsessed after the first bite, remember to fight it, don’t bite it. That first bite is what will set you off. That’s the one to avoid. Staying full at all times, having water handy, chewing gum, and getting on SparkPeople daily all help me. Staying full is as simple as eating every 3-4 hours and making sure to get plenty of protein and fiber (fruits, vegetables, and whole grains). Do not skip meals this time of year.

I wish you all the best this season.

Do you ever feel blue this time of year? What do you do to combat it?