I often joke about the negative things motherhood has brought to my life- lack of sleep, no free time, an acceleration of the aging process, etc. The truth is, motherhood has brought an innumerable amount of positive things to my life. In addition to the great things about my kids, becoming a mom has developed a more compassionate and non-judgmental side to my personality that I might not have had otherwise. Instead of being annoyed or just walking past the mom with the screaming baby in the grocery store, I’m much more likely to ask if there’s anything I can do to help. When I see someone with a different parenting style than mine, I try hard to understand and be respectful of the fact that we aren’t all the same, instead of automatically assuming what they are doing is wrong. I think part of my hesitation to judge others, especially other moms, comes from the fact that my own parenting and lifestyle choices have been judged by family and friends. And honestly, it doesn’t feel good. I had a conversation with my mom the other day regarding the recent Time magazine cover, featuring a mother breastfeeding her 3-year-old. My mom had very strong feelings about it, but my position was more neutral. A decision like that might not be the best thing for me and my child, but I’m not going to judge someone who chooses something different. (By the way, the intention of this blog is not to start a debate about the acceptable amount of time to breastfeed.) I’ve had others question a variety of decisions I’ve made, from how much weight I gained during my pregnancy to what I feed my kids, to how I discipline them. The interesting thing is that it’s mostly been moms who do it, less out of concern, but more because I’m doing something different than how they’d recommend. I would think that every mom has experienced this at one time or another, so moms should be the most sensitive to this kind of criticism. Yet that doesn’t seem to be the case. My feeling is that unless a child is in danger (which definitely isn’t the case in my situation), most parents know their kids better than anyone else. They are trying to do a good job of raising them and making the decisions they think are best. It’s fine to offer feedback when asked, but be careful about telling someone they aren’t doing something right just because it’s different. I think this lesson can apply in many aspects of life, not just parenting. Our society tends to judge anyone who is different for whatever reason: because of their size, religion, income level, political views -- the list goes on and on. I know it sounds a little idealistic, but I think it would be nice if we could learn to understand and accept differences instead of always assuming our way is the best way. What do you think? |
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